Facing down my fears I expect the most difficult person for me to forgive is myself. Do you notice that? When I was younger, I was much more idealistic, and quickly learned that even the best of us are only human and make mistakes. I've made my fair share. Here is a little clip from my life. When I was in the first grade, a little boy brought a tiny bird egg to school for show-and-tell. It was passed around the room and when it got to me, I accidentally dropped it. I was mortified, but not half as mortified as when I discovered my first true bully. He threatened to beat me up if I didn't pay him five cents which was my allowance each day. I was only 6, and after a few days of handing over my precious candy money, I decided I would stand up to this bully. I announced I wouldn't give him anymore money and he just stared at me. After a while, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away. I can smile now to remember how free I felt when I stood up for myself. I wasn't afraid anymore, and I forgave him. He could never scare me again. I wish I could do half as good as an adult as I did when I was six. Life would be so much easier. I might also add, I never touched another bird egg. Smile..... Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

Back To School Take a short trip with me down memory lane. I remember the first day of seventh grade. I was so excited to finally be in "Junior High." I had prayed all summer I wouldn't die before school started! It was awesome to actually have my own locker, and get to pick a class. I read Seventeen Magazine to decide what I should look like, and studied myself closely in the mirror. I didn't quite match up with those models in the pictures, but I did my best. The first day of school I wore my new red tartan wool skirt, my new red sweater, and my knee socks and new shoes. Well, let me tell you, the weather was about 100 degrees as the day wore on and I was almost as red as my outfit! I think that was one of the longest days of my life, and my efforts to be all grown up were amusing. I came home looking like the 12-year old I was and couldn't wait to put on my shorts and roller skates. You can bet the next day I had on a cotton skirt and a cool blouse and Seventeen Magazine was in the trash! Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

The Family Vacation/Road Warriors When I was a little girl, one of our traditions was the annual summer vacation. This was usually a trip to Texas from our home in California. My brother and I would settle in our corners of the backseat. He would draw the imaginary line down the middle of the seat, and if my finger or toe invaded his space...well, there was instant retaliation. We both had a cigar box full of little toys and amusements for the long ride. The neighbor would take a picture of the four of us standing in front of the car my dad had just polished. We would be waving of course, wearing sunglasses and feeling pretty smug. It was time for an adventure, and our spirits were high. We were going to leave the cares of the everyday world behind. In reality, we became road warriors. There was a huge coffee can for "emergencies". My mother used an ice pick to chip ice to give us to help keep cool as we fought across the desert. My brother and mom were not night owls, and I would usually keep dad company as he drove through the night. I felt very sophisticated when he stopped at a little diner and the two of us enjoyed half a cantaloupe with a scoop of ice cream in the middle. That was amazing to me. Yes, I was easily impressed. No, we never had a group picture by the car when we arrived home. After all, we were road warriors. Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

The Power Of Words I was considering the power of words to hurt or heal. It's not always what we say, but how we say it. We've all heard that. When I have trouble finding words, I know it's time to be quiet and find out what I'm really feeling. Sometimes this is most true in the relationships closest to us. We say things, and later we're sorry. We want their love. We want their understanding. In this imperfect world, that isn't possible all the time. It is a fact that sometimes we won't understand the people we love most, and they won't understand us. In the meantime, we can just be there when they're ready to tell us and be ready to listen with our hearts. Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

Looking Up A very dear friend of mine once told me that people rarely look up. I have proved this over and over to myself. I was in the garage loading the washing machine, and right above me is a wooden shelf. I was in such a hurry to get the clothes in the machine, I dropped a sock on the floor. I bent down to retrieve it and when I did, I looked up and saw something amazing. My cat Danny Boy was sitting on the shelf above the washing machine taking in the whole show. He was totally relaxed, as only a cat can be, and regarded me with amusement. I had to laugh. I suddenly wondered why I was in such a hurry. I also realized if I hadn't dropped that sock, I would have never looked up. I walked back into the house with a smile on my face. Boy I'm glad I dropped that sock! Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

Is life fair? When I was very young, I believed a game should be played fairly. Nobody likes a cheater, and I felt that instinctive conviction that if I played fair, so would others. As an adult, I look back on my simplistic attitude and smile. I see bad things happening to good people, and good things happening to bad people, and realize "fair" is a nice idea, but not the way of this world. I have no control over anything really. I am happiest when I just let go of things and realize God is in control, and He will sort it out. Many mistakes and lessons later, I know that whatever comes my way, it's what I do with it that really matters. I still wish life was fair. I guess I never got over that. Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

Thoughts on an August Day I feel the coolness in the air, through the heat. Autumn will be having it's way soon. Summer was warm days, hot days...endless days full of light. It was nice sitting out and enjoying the sunsets that splashed a full palette of color across a sky. No artist has ever captured the painting God can do. I watched the geraniums bloom like mad, filling their space up with every color of the rainbow. The deep shade from the huge trees in my yard became a favorite spot for my cats to play and eventually curl up into a lazy nap. The drone of a lawnmower being put to use in a neighbor's yard reminded me of my father firing up his mower and plowing through the grass. This was my cue to get the broom and sweep the bits that strayed onto the cement. I remember how carefree those days were. It was a matter of just concentrating on the task at hand. I remember the girl I was, and see the adult I have become. That girl is still alive and well, and the adult misses those times when life was walking to the corner store with my girlfriend for some treat or other....or maybe flagging down the ice cream man, and begging mama for a dime. My mother would wrap tee towels bibs around my brother and I and dad would cut us huge slices of "Texas Watermelon." It was sheer joy to make a mess and spit the seeds all over the yard. I remember mom's peach cobbler and playing horseshoes or croquet until it was dark. Well, I'll put my memories back in the treasure chest of my heart, and thank you for letting me share them. Karen Shaw Matteson © 2001

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